That night after making love, Mandy spooned herself into Jackie; Jackie draped her arm over Mandy's tummy. They lay together in the dark.
"Do you remember the first night we spent together?" Jackie asked her.
"How could I forget? It was just like this: you were behind me cuddling and holding me. I was so small!" Mandy started to giggle. "We were both naked!"
Jackie sighed.
"You were so delicate, so ... so beautiful. I remember the smell of your hair and how warm you were. You fell asleep first. I remember listening to your breathing. It was the first time I had ever slept next to a girl. I was captivated by you although I didn't realize how much at the time."
"I was smitten with you," Mandy said. "That day when you told me you loved me was the happiest day of my life."
Mandy turned over to face Jackie.
"I can't believe we're here, together! You said you'd wait for me and you did. Jackie, you did! I thought someone would sweep you off your feet while we were apart. I imagined him to be young and handsome, with a lot of money; maybe a lawyer or a doctor."
Despite the darkness, Jackie gauged exactly the location of the tip of Mandy's nose and kissed it, prompting the inevitable giggle.
"Are you kidding? Nobody else had a chance! Waiting all that time was so hard, wasn't it? Because we loved each other so much, it hurt to be apart," Jackie said to her.
"Yes, it did," Mandy replied. "I treasured each of our visits. Oh, Jackie, I can't believe that you still love me after all this time!"
Jackie smiled and kissed Mandy's lips.
"Now, that is the easiest thing in the world!" she said. "Mandy ... do you remember that I thought no one loved me until your family took me in, so to speak? Then the love you showed me was what really swept me off my feet. I'm still overwhelmed by it. That you love me means so much to me."
"Really, Jackie? I'm surprised by that but I'm so glad. I'm glad that matters to you."
"You're my angel, Mandy."
Mandy laughed delightedly. "You always called me that, from the very first day; just me, not Amy or anyone else."
"That's how I thought of you." Jackie ran her fingers through Mandy's long, dark brown hair.
Mandy turned back over and snuggled with her bottom in Jackie's lap. They lay together that way quietly for some five minutes when Mandy took Jackie's hand in hers and began to speak.
"Jackie ... I want to tell you something ... something about me that I haven't told anyone."
"Yes, sweetheart ..." Jackie pressed her cheek into Mandy's back. She was apprehensive now, not knowing what Mandy would say but bracing for something she both longed to hear and also dreaded.
"Sometimes I have a dream where I'm falling straight down a long, long shaft on my back. Everything around me is black. The things I can see are displayed like a cut wax etching where the images are black and the outlines are white."
"The things I can see are barbed wire, rocks, and cactuses and I'm trying hard to avoid them as I'm falling. The whole time my father is screaming at me.
"That dream is awful, Jackie. I don't have it as much as I used to, just sometimes."
Jackie stopped breathing and just stared at the back of Mandy's head, stunned. Mandy continued.
"And sometimes when I start to fall asleep I'll be shocked awake by the sound of my father yelling my name at me. It used to make me start shaking, but not so much anymore. I really hate when that happens."
Mandy slowly turned around to face Jackie. She said to her,
"I know I've never talked about things like this with you. I'm sorry; I know it makes things awkward. I want to be able to tell you things but I don't want you to think I'm a basket case or anything."
Mandy flipped back over on her other side, away from Jackie.
Mandy felt Jackie's body heaving slightly and the sound of her sniffling and said, "Don't cry, Jackie; it's okay. I keep getting better. I didn't mean to make you cry; I'm sorry."
Through her tears, Jackie said to Mandy,
"No ... no; don't apologize ... I'm glad you told me that ... Mandy, you've never told me anything like that before ... You've never said anything to me about ... your nightmares or anything else that troubles you.
"I want you to tell me those things, darling," Jackie said between sobs. "I love you so much, Mandy ... It hurts me to see you suffer ... and not say anything to me about it."
Mandy kissed Jackie's hand and said,
"I've always thought: they're just my problems, no one wants to hear about them. And then I used to worry that if I told you those things, you'd get sick of me in a week and that you wouldn't want me to live with you. I was always afraid of that."
Jackie hugged Mandy tightly and whispered, "Oh, Mandy! Sick of you? Honey ... how could I ever be sick of you?! I can never get enough of you!"
"I know that now," Mandy said with a sigh. "I really do try not to think that way anymore. I want to tell you those things, Jackie. I know you love me."
Mandy kissed Jackie's hand and said to her,
"Please don't be upset when I tell you that for a long time I worried that if you found out about those things after we were together, you would send me away."
Jackie pulled Mandy closer to her and held her tight. She kissed her hair and said,
"Send you away?! Send you away?! I waited so long to have you with me! As long as you want to stay with me, I'll never let you go," Jackie said. "All this time you thought I wouldn't love you if you told me those things. Knowing those things makes me love you all the more."
"Jackie," Mandy said, "you really do love me!"
"Oh, Mandy ... I remember when you first said that! And what did I tell you? Do you remember what I said?"
Mandy pressed herself to Jackie and whispered softly, "You said, 'don't you ever doubt it, my angel.' I've never forgotten those words. You always have loved me, Jackie."
"I'll never stop loving you, my sweetheart; my angel," Jackie said as she turned Mandy over to face her in the dim light.
As Jackie kissed Mandy's cheek, she felt wetness. Jackie, looking at her closely, was astonished to see tears falling from Mandy's eyes.
"I love you ... so much ... Jackie ..." Mandy whispered as she wept in her lover's arms.
"Mandy ... Mandy ..." Jackie said softly and joyfully as she gently stroked her dear love's hair. "My darling girl!"
The End